Geeks

Geeky phone guy who is from my mall came to see me today. I have an extremely soft spot for geeky guys. We chatted for a while. He kinda reminds me of my ex. Ick. He is not compassionate (the geeky guy. And my ex too, come to think of it.) He is interested. Hinted at going for a beer after work. I don't drink beer. If he had said Earl Grey tea, I would have been all over it. I am not so good with hinting. I get all shy and can't talk because I know the guy wants me to ask. I just clam up, can't even say "oh that sounds nice." I just stand there like an idjeet. He is going to have to ask me directly. Lol! Is that asking for too much? I don't really think so. I am not playing games, I just need clear communication. And also, do guys drink tea?

What is hotter than a geeky tough guy drinking tea?

Oh wait,

a geeky tough guy bringing me a tea. That would be nice. And then if he did a push up or two in front of me, I would throw my teacup at a wall and rip my clothe....oh never mind, this is a blog, not a romance novel. And I don't know yet if he worships Jesus. I have a few things in my mind that he does that I don't like: how he wears his pants, he drinks beer, he hinted. Just be straight up buddy!

He Loves Me Not

Blah. Someone I know is in a relationship. And not with me. I am actually fine with it, which seems odd. I am not devastated. I don't know how I feel. Confused, relieved, disgusted. Confused, because I misheard. I am relieved because I felt judged unfairly by this person. So unfairly. And disgusted because he wanted to and definitely would have hooked up with me when I was in Vancouver. I was not interested at all. But I am so conflicted. Did I dodge a bullet? Possibly. Probably. Definitely But really? It's deeper than that.

The bullet is no longer some guy I know. The bullet is me. I am so scared of getting hurt that I just can't step out of my stupid shell and admit that there are guys out there, possibly and probably one for me in a situation that I won't be able to control, and I just give it up to the big man upstairs, err right beside me. It's not a simple thing either. It's a case of day by day, little by little. It would be so easy to say, "Err, I hate men." But that isn't the case at all. I love men. A lot.

I feel free. Hopeful. Disappointed. So many conflicting things at once. The major thing I am having a very hard time with is mis-hearing. What else have I mis-heard?

Date?

He showed up on a motorcycle wearing jeans and helmet and motorcycle jacket. He didn't know I could see him because I was sitting across the street at a table. I watched him take his gear off and lock his bike up, then I went over to him. As soon as he saw me, he started grinning and waving. As I approached, he looked a little shy and fiddled with something on his bike. I kinda kicked the ground with my toe and said "Hi." Then he said, "Hello, it's good to see you." I gave him a hug and he kinda hugged me sideways, hard to describe. We went inside the restaurant and got a table. He let me pick my seat and then pulled out my chair for me. As we were looking at the menu, I glanced at him and saw him glance at me. We started laughing at the same time. He remembered what I liked and ordered for us. Conversation was good. He told me I am crazy and he is glad to see I haven't changed after I dipped my sashimi in his soy sauce. I apologized and he said no, he is happy to share. When the bill came, he grabbed it right away and paid. We were gonna hang out but since his motorcycle license is brand new, he can't be out after dark and had about 15 minutes to get back to Bear Mountain so he had to go. It was pleasant and enjoyable, slightly awkward. Later he texted me to say thank you for letting him take me out to dinner and then called me. I thanked him for being a gentleman. I could hear him smiling over the phone and he said that is what he is going for. Said he was sorry our date was cut short. Date?

I don't know why, but somehow I feel disrespected. It wasn't because of the whole "date" thing. Maybe disrespected is the wrong word. Under-valued? I don't know. It's like he didn't realize who I am or my value. All that time and he finally takes me on a real date? I know we are here to give but really? Too late. And I am not sure he knows who he is or realizes his own value. I feel in my gut that this is not the guy for me. I don't know. It didn't feel like Jesus was wooing me. I appreciated his time and everything was smooth. Right time, wrong boy. Weird. It's like somehow in my soul, I know it's not right. I hope I will know when it is the right one. I think the Jesus will show up. And bring a prince.

I'm Just A Girl

There is this store downtown. I don't know the name but everything is either $4, $6, or $20. My co-workers and I call it the $6 store. It is nice looking stuff, not the highest quality. Necklaces, earrings, t-shirts, skirts, purses. The purses are actually pretty good quality. I pass by it everyday. Two days ago, the door was propped open and I decided to venture in. My song was playing and I actually sang it a little while spotting and trying on a red and peach colored necklace and pretending I was Gwen Stefani. I was sucked into the vortex of shopping! Which is kinda like the Bermuda Triangle. Money goes missing, and temporarily, so does my sanity. I spent half an hour in there, but it only seemed like 5 minutes. Time actually warped while I was in there. In an attempt to counteract the effects of the Bermuda Triangle, I have developed a very specific way of shopping . First, I try to spot my colors (usually primary colors, although easter egg blue is an instant turn-on). Then I inspect to see if I like the style. Then I look to see if they have my size. If I try it on and am not in love with it, I don't get it. In this store? I wanted to buy EVERYTHING I tried on. I love this store. And it's dangerous, which I think makes me like it even more (maybe that describes the guys I like-Except they are usually high quality). Can you have a love affair with a store? Cause if so, the $6 store is my current beau, although he doesn't open the car door. I don't think he even has a car. But he does have a door and it was open when I walked up, so I guess he DOES open the door. I actually missed lunch because I spent my whole half hour sorting through which things I liked. The total bill would have been $50 but then I realized I didn't have my bank card or wallet on me and only had a $5 bill. I avoided complete seduction. But I will be back. Oh yes, I will be back.