Fight Like a Girl

What does fighting like a girl look like? Why do guys say that and mean it like an insult?

Maybe we are supposed to fight like girls. In the past, when I got into a fight with a girl, each girl fought differently. Some with their nails, some with fists, some with words. The way of fighting that I disliked the most, was the quietest one, very subtle. It said: You are excluded. I have always hated being excluded. I think that is what the enemy whispers to me: you don't belong. That is such an immature thing though. It seems like in high school, that is the place to conform. But does that feeling ever really leave us? If I were to fight against something, as a girl, I guess it would be to include people. But I don't like including everyone. I like having my tight little group. I like belonging to someone and someone belonging to me. Maybe that is selfish. I like not including everyone because then it seems "special" or something. Elite?

On the other hand, I feel this pull to include absolutely everyone and befriend everyone and not leave anyone out. I know that people can find this annoying (I have been told). I have been told many times that I know a lot of people. But it's just because I don't want to leave anyone out. If I were to fight like a girl, it would look like me dressed pretty and a bit skinnier and more successful than I am now and approaching women on a regular basis and loving on them. Sounds kinda scary. I bet guys would have a hard time doing that!

Chocolat

So I watched the movie by the name of the title of this blog. It was very good. It was an answer to a prayer. Bit of a long story, but that's what blogs are for, right?

I recently went to Edmonton. I was considering moving there, and may in the far future. But my heart is here right now. I thought I was being foolish. Like running away-with-the-circus-kinda silly. 7 days ago, I prayed for a sign in the form of a story, specifically about a mother and daughter and landing in a town and STAYING there. I prayed that it be a movie or a song or a book that I could relate to. We always moved around when I was little and I hated it. I truly did. I think I may have been bored to tears to stay in one place, but I will never know. I was jealous of people who grew up in one town and knew the people they went to kindergarten with, let alone still knew the people they went to high school with. But I am who I am. Moving around helped me meet lots of people and adjust accordingly. Before we started a movie, I randomly grabbed two movies and held them behind my back. I told our host to pick a hand and that would eliminate one choice. She declined, saying she wanted to watch one of two movies. Chocolat was one of them. We ended up watching it, of course. What are the chances though? Is there ever a coincidence of this magnitude? It was amazing that we picked that movie. In the story, the North wind moved a mother and daughter from place to place. The daughter hated it. And then at one point, they come into a kitchen and everyone is helping out, making food. They stayed and didn't move anymore. It's kinda their church. It was good. For so long, I had this scripture haunting me: "Raise the signal and go to Zion! Flee for safety without delay! For I am bringing disaster from the North, even terrible destruction." (Jeremiah 4:6) I got that back when I lived in Kelowna and that movie reminded me that I don't get that warning anymore. I was just still, for the first time in a long time. And watched a movie. Where the mother and daughter stay put.

He Loves Me Not

Blah. Someone I know is in a relationship. And not with me. I am actually fine with it, which seems odd. I am not devastated. I don't know how I feel. Confused, relieved, disgusted. Confused, because I misheard. I am relieved because I felt judged unfairly by this person. So unfairly. And disgusted because he wanted to and definitely would have hooked up with me when I was in Vancouver. I was not interested at all. But I am so conflicted. Did I dodge a bullet? Possibly. Probably. Definitely But really? It's deeper than that.

The bullet is no longer some guy I know. The bullet is me. I am so scared of getting hurt that I just can't step out of my stupid shell and admit that there are guys out there, possibly and probably one for me in a situation that I won't be able to control, and I just give it up to the big man upstairs, err right beside me. It's not a simple thing either. It's a case of day by day, little by little. It would be so easy to say, "Err, I hate men." But that isn't the case at all. I love men. A lot.

I feel free. Hopeful. Disappointed. So many conflicting things at once. The major thing I am having a very hard time with is mis-hearing. What else have I mis-heard?

Everything has a purpose right?

I was reading in June 2009's Reader's Digest that the cellular phone industry is in the bottom 5 least trusted industry's in Canada, according to a poll taken. It isn't the bottom though. It's about 4th from the bottom. The least trusted industry is advertising,then oil, then tobacco, then the industry in which I am currently employed.

I think that one of the reason's it is not trusted is because of all the hidden fees. A lady came in today and as I explained the different costs and all, it was fairly obvious which network would be the best one for her needs. I usually tell the customers the bad news up front. Then I can play the hero and save the good stuff for later. It also usually gains their trust. But Ms. ANALytical wanted me to chart it! Make a graph, show what she does and doesn't get. I handed her the brochures and my Tim Horton's card, invited her to use it and sit in the food court while she compared the differences. But no, she wanted an Excel spreadsheet! Normally, I love Excel. In this case, it was a little too much. I told her I will email it to her. Blah. She is an accountant and offered to do my taxes in the future for a good price. I am learning integrity. Or character. Or something. Networking? Blah.

When I got home, I collapsed on the couch and grabbed my Reader's Digest and randomly opened it. Guess what I found? Yup, the article about trust. Ok, ok, I get it. I have to start somewhere. I am gonna go create the spreadsheet now. Blah. At least I'm not in advertising. Or tobacco. Gross.