It's a World Gone Crazy That Keeps a Woman in Chains

I have had people tell me I am defiant. My mother told me when I was younger that someone is going to have a hard time breaking my spirit. I didn't know what she really meant when she said that but she got this sound in her voice where her voice got thicker and she kinda smiled - sounded like pride. And I come to the crux (I love that word) of my internal conflict. If a guy tells me to do something and implies or tells me that it's something I should do or have to do, I immediately don't want to. Boss' don't count, I have no problem taking direction from a manager or whatever. I am talking about random guys in our lives that say that this is the way they think things should be. And I KNOW I am not alone in this. It's called control. The opposite? Surrender. My mother told me to never surrender (if she only knew how much I try to surrender, I wonder if she would have said that back then?)

I wish guys/people would just present the choice/politely ask and have faith that we will choose or do the right thing.

So I had this boyfriend (some of you will know him and cringe) and he didn't have time to do laundry. I agreed to do it, thinking that this is really cool and an act of love, but got so busy on the first day of the agreement and didn't get around to it. When he saw that I didn't do it, I explained how I got busy, but he came down on me, told me it felt like I didn't care about him. Guess what? It made me not want to do his laundry. EVER. I put reds in with his whites. That makes pink. Oooops.

I don't want to be like that. I think I am not going to talk to any males. EVER. I know, good luck with that hey? Cause they seem to be everywhere.

You are probably wondering what brought this on. Well, I will tell you. I was in a coffee shop today, having a tea. More like waiting for the bag to steep (no pun intended. btw I like it medium strength) and heard this man telling his woman or girlfriend that he would like it if she made the bed in the morning. She was like, look honey, I will make the bed, but sometimes I am just in a rush and can't do it. He said, it's important, just do it. For me. She just couldn't give in. I identified with her. In my head I was like, make your own bed buddy! Better yet, sleep on the couch! But deep down, I was disappointed in her and me. I was thinking, come on lady! It's just a bed. Really? You can't pull the covers down? It looks so much better made. But alas, defiancy reared it's ugly head.

Also, at this house I am cleaning, the husband leaves little notes for the wife, reminding her of things to do with their daughter. She writes back on the note, "Hi babe, I saw this, but you really don't need to remind me." Then HE writes back, "yeah well, if I didn't remind you, it wouldn't get done!" When I saw that, I wanted her to take this note, crumple it up and mix it with his laundry so his whites would go red. K that doesn't even make sense, but you know what I mean. She could have not responded, just taken the note down and considered it loving right? Nah.

So....back to my previous conclusion: no talking to boys for me. (Kidding, kidding...kinda).

Guess it's time to surrender huh?

Oh How He Loves Us

This is my favorite song lately. It's amazing. I heard it for the first time at Crave a few weeks ago and I play it over and over, Favorite lines are about a sloppy wet kiss and not having time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way he loves us. Here is the story behind the song:

The song came following the death of a dear friend who, during a church staff meeting, prayed out loud "If it would shake the youth of a nation, I will give my life today." John McMillan was awoken in the middle of that very night by a phone call. His friend, who had mentioned those words during his church's staff meeting earlier that day, was killed in a car crash. The song took a couple years to surface in the Christian mainstream, but has gone on to become one of the most played worship songs.

What's that you say? You want lyrics? Here you go:

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

-John Mark McMillan

What? You want to hear it? Well, okay, here you go. Hope you love it.

Warrior Princess Daughter

So, here I am, at my table, with my laptop. Our relationship is back on. I have him precariously perched on a pile of books so as to not overheat. Also the charger is tucked around to stay plugged in. All this just to blog! Woo hoo.

So, lots is new.

1. I quit my job last week. I was grateful for it while it lasted, but on to other better things. That will be a blog on its own.

2. I joined twitter. I found some of my mentors there. They don't know they are my mentors, but it's kind of like an afar thing. Like, how I stalk guys, but now it's mentors, and this time I don't care about details...lol! (I knew those stalking skills would come in handy one day). Christine Caine, Lisa Bevere, Jon Bevere, Max Lucado, Laura Silletta, Randy Hein, Chris Synesael, Darin Phillips, Caleb Delamont. Also, kids that I mentor are on there and I am blown away by their tweets. It's way more effective than facebook. You get to see moods and stuff on there.

3. I am starting a business. More on that later.

4. I am listening to U2 right now. I love Bono. He was pretty nerdy when he was younger. He has grown into his face. And his hair. With or without you is on right now.

5. And you give yourself away, And you give yourself away, And you give and you give and you give yourself away. My hands are tied, my body's bruised, she's got me with nothing to win and nothing left to lose. Oh Bono, if you like that kind of thing, it's gonna be ok buddy. Let's talk. Wanna come over?

6. Anyways, back to blogging. I found my purpose in life. I am amazed. God is good. He is God, I am not. Duh, obviously. So there was this girl named Laura and she told me her story. the verse she taught me about was my life verse! Coincidence? I think not. It's from Esther. She was made queen and helped her people overcome. She was made for more than mere beauty. She was made to win battles. That is me. Warrior Princess Daughter. I am here to win the battle for hearts for girls. (I like boys.)

7. I am here to stay. Maybe Bono will come and visit me.

Chocolat

So I watched the movie by the name of the title of this blog. It was very good. It was an answer to a prayer. Bit of a long story, but that's what blogs are for, right?

I recently went to Edmonton. I was considering moving there, and may in the far future. But my heart is here right now. I thought I was being foolish. Like running away-with-the-circus-kinda silly. 7 days ago, I prayed for a sign in the form of a story, specifically about a mother and daughter and landing in a town and STAYING there. I prayed that it be a movie or a song or a book that I could relate to. We always moved around when I was little and I hated it. I truly did. I think I may have been bored to tears to stay in one place, but I will never know. I was jealous of people who grew up in one town and knew the people they went to kindergarten with, let alone still knew the people they went to high school with. But I am who I am. Moving around helped me meet lots of people and adjust accordingly. Before we started a movie, I randomly grabbed two movies and held them behind my back. I told our host to pick a hand and that would eliminate one choice. She declined, saying she wanted to watch one of two movies. Chocolat was one of them. We ended up watching it, of course. What are the chances though? Is there ever a coincidence of this magnitude? It was amazing that we picked that movie. In the story, the North wind moved a mother and daughter from place to place. The daughter hated it. And then at one point, they come into a kitchen and everyone is helping out, making food. They stayed and didn't move anymore. It's kinda their church. It was good. For so long, I had this scripture haunting me: "Raise the signal and go to Zion! Flee for safety without delay! For I am bringing disaster from the North, even terrible destruction." (Jeremiah 4:6) I got that back when I lived in Kelowna and that movie reminded me that I don't get that warning anymore. I was just still, for the first time in a long time. And watched a movie. Where the mother and daughter stay put.

McExercise

I stretched and then exercised. And then I went to McDonald's on the way home and had a junior chicken. I was so hungry. It was delicious.

Don't Stop Believing

I have had a fever off and on for 3 days. Today, being a day off, I discovered I was fully sick. I just thought it was a headache. So I have been in bed with that feverish feeling, running hot and cold. I have an appointment with my doc later today hopefully for a prescription. I finally have benefits at work so it's smooth sailing after that. It was good to sleep though. For the rest of the time, I have been relaxing and trying not to think about laundry or training or whatever, just having a day off from everything. Gets boring though. In my travels on the internet, I found some great places to watch T.V. A show I just recently discovered is Glee. About high schools kids who are in a glee club and the teacher that helps them. The song at the end is the title of this blog. I was honestly frustrated and bored until I found this show and to hear the song at the end of this episode was so uplifting, I just had to write about it. It's a song that comes into my life whenever I feel low on hope for whatever reason. Here is the link for this show and other links for great shows. I am also going to post on the main page of this blog.

Glee
CTV shows like Madmen, Corner Gas, So You Think You Can Dance
Being Erica
The Hills
Top 5 new music videos
Rachel Ray

Going back to sleep now. Happy watching!

Purity

As a naive somewhat new-ish Christian (4 years of following J-man), I sometimes imagine "other" Christian girls who grew up in a christian bubble - a completely functional family with good boundaries and no drinking, swearing, staying out late, and for sure no crazy sex drive! In my mind the parents of these "other" christians had it together, whatever that encompasses. Unlike my family who travelled and let me miss school and had rough boundaries. I am pretty good at not falling into the comparison trap and comparing backgrounds and stuff like that, but I am pretty bad at being naive. I also fall into the category trap. I like organizing stuff so I think Ì start to group people in my head. I think it's my christian-colored glasses. I often think that christian girls don't have sex and don't want to, but I realize it's both unfair and unhealthy to paint everyone with the same paintbrush. Some people deserve fat paintbrushes to smooth everything away and some need a pointy one to get in all the nooks and crannies. The point is, I have discovered a huge segment of Christian girls in the next generation who are secretly having sex or sexual activity. My heart breaks for them because I want them to stay pure and hey, maybe they can be the first generation to get it right.

Something in me is relieved that girls have sex drives. Maybe I am not such a freak after all? I will still be praying for their purity though

By Your Side

I love this video.