Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaack

Haven't blogged in a while. So much has happened. About 2 weeks ago, my baby brother called me.

His girlfriend is pregnant. I can't help but be happy about a new baby. I love and like my brother a lot. He is super sweet, caring, considerate, passionate and intelligent. And a really hard worker, very determined. Everyone who knows him just loves him. He is no longer with the baby mama, and they don't want to be together. He had promised me he wouldn't do like the others in our family and have a baby out of wedlock. So when he called me, I could hear by his shaky voice and slow speech that he was very nervous to tell me. I told him I loved him and was happy for him and know he is going to make a great dad. And he was relieved. He said he knew he screwed up, had sinned and felt extrememly guilty. He is very committed to being a daddy. She is 4.5 months pregnant. My reply? "Well, you don't just get them pregnant, you get them 4 and a half MONTHS pregnant!" I reassured him that I love him and won't stop loving him. He was so relieved, he got choked up and couldn't say anything for a few minutes. I didn't understand why. I said, "Did you really think I would stop loving you because you broke your promise?" He explained to me that others in the family did not have the same reaction and most were angry and did not want to talk to him. I feel like that is just because they don't want him to make the same mistakes they did.

I am grateful for the graciousness that was extended to me when I fell. Now I can give that graciousness to others. Would I have been able to if I hadn't been through what I have been through? Probably. But I wouldn't have been so vocal to my brother about how I love him. The best part? He said he could feel a Jesus kind of love coming from me. Completely humbling. I felt like one teeny tiny little speck in the universe being used by God right at that moment. I am so insignificant but so significant all at the same time. I was just the vessel. I am so grateful to be able to be in his life to tell him I love him. His love language? Verbal affirmation. My spiritual gift? Encouragement. Cause he is not getting it anywhere else. Maybe my mom. But she is baby crazy. Ha ha. Apparently I need more grace towards my mom. One day at a time, Ok? Today is not her day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. The chase for a pure heart is on. Has been for a while. Ah, mommmy issues...that's a whole other blog!

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