I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaack

Haven't blogged in a while. So much has happened. About 2 weeks ago, my baby brother called me.

His girlfriend is pregnant. I can't help but be happy about a new baby. I love and like my brother a lot. He is super sweet, caring, considerate, passionate and intelligent. And a really hard worker, very determined. Everyone who knows him just loves him. He is no longer with the baby mama, and they don't want to be together. He had promised me he wouldn't do like the others in our family and have a baby out of wedlock. So when he called me, I could hear by his shaky voice and slow speech that he was very nervous to tell me. I told him I loved him and was happy for him and know he is going to make a great dad. And he was relieved. He said he knew he screwed up, had sinned and felt extrememly guilty. He is very committed to being a daddy. She is 4.5 months pregnant. My reply? "Well, you don't just get them pregnant, you get them 4 and a half MONTHS pregnant!" I reassured him that I love him and won't stop loving him. He was so relieved, he got choked up and couldn't say anything for a few minutes. I didn't understand why. I said, "Did you really think I would stop loving you because you broke your promise?" He explained to me that others in the family did not have the same reaction and most were angry and did not want to talk to him. I feel like that is just because they don't want him to make the same mistakes they did.

I am grateful for the graciousness that was extended to me when I fell. Now I can give that graciousness to others. Would I have been able to if I hadn't been through what I have been through? Probably. But I wouldn't have been so vocal to my brother about how I love him. The best part? He said he could feel a Jesus kind of love coming from me. Completely humbling. I felt like one teeny tiny little speck in the universe being used by God right at that moment. I am so insignificant but so significant all at the same time. I was just the vessel. I am so grateful to be able to be in his life to tell him I love him. His love language? Verbal affirmation. My spiritual gift? Encouragement. Cause he is not getting it anywhere else. Maybe my mom. But she is baby crazy. Ha ha. Apparently I need more grace towards my mom. One day at a time, Ok? Today is not her day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. The chase for a pure heart is on. Has been for a while. Ah, mommmy issues...that's a whole other blog!

It's a World Gone Crazy That Keeps a Woman in Chains

I have had people tell me I am defiant. My mother told me when I was younger that someone is going to have a hard time breaking my spirit. I didn't know what she really meant when she said that but she got this sound in her voice where her voice got thicker and she kinda smiled - sounded like pride. And I come to the crux (I love that word) of my internal conflict. If a guy tells me to do something and implies or tells me that it's something I should do or have to do, I immediately don't want to. Boss' don't count, I have no problem taking direction from a manager or whatever. I am talking about random guys in our lives that say that this is the way they think things should be. And I KNOW I am not alone in this. It's called control. The opposite? Surrender. My mother told me to never surrender (if she only knew how much I try to surrender, I wonder if she would have said that back then?)

I wish guys/people would just present the choice/politely ask and have faith that we will choose or do the right thing.

So I had this boyfriend (some of you will know him and cringe) and he didn't have time to do laundry. I agreed to do it, thinking that this is really cool and an act of love, but got so busy on the first day of the agreement and didn't get around to it. When he saw that I didn't do it, I explained how I got busy, but he came down on me, told me it felt like I didn't care about him. Guess what? It made me not want to do his laundry. EVER. I put reds in with his whites. That makes pink. Oooops.

I don't want to be like that. I think I am not going to talk to any males. EVER. I know, good luck with that hey? Cause they seem to be everywhere.

You are probably wondering what brought this on. Well, I will tell you. I was in a coffee shop today, having a tea. More like waiting for the bag to steep (no pun intended. btw I like it medium strength) and heard this man telling his woman or girlfriend that he would like it if she made the bed in the morning. She was like, look honey, I will make the bed, but sometimes I am just in a rush and can't do it. He said, it's important, just do it. For me. She just couldn't give in. I identified with her. In my head I was like, make your own bed buddy! Better yet, sleep on the couch! But deep down, I was disappointed in her and me. I was thinking, come on lady! It's just a bed. Really? You can't pull the covers down? It looks so much better made. But alas, defiancy reared it's ugly head.

Also, at this house I am cleaning, the husband leaves little notes for the wife, reminding her of things to do with their daughter. She writes back on the note, "Hi babe, I saw this, but you really don't need to remind me." Then HE writes back, "yeah well, if I didn't remind you, it wouldn't get done!" When I saw that, I wanted her to take this note, crumple it up and mix it with his laundry so his whites would go red. K that doesn't even make sense, but you know what I mean. She could have not responded, just taken the note down and considered it loving right? Nah.

So....back to my previous conclusion: no talking to boys for me. (Kidding, kidding...kinda).

Guess it's time to surrender huh?

Puppy Power!

I cleaned a house today and there was so much dog hair. There was this carpet runner nailed to the beautiful oak wooden steps that wound around the wall. The owner wanted the wood cleaned and the carpet vacuumed. She was a little embarrassed about the hair but she really didn't need to be. That is why I was there. The dog is this beautiful grey and white husky with icy blue eyes, a really happy dog, male. The owner asked me to bring him in when I was done so I took the owner with me and met the dog and pet him and played a little with him. When I was done, I went to let the dog in. He was super happy to see me and walked with me through the house to the front door, stopping for a lap of water from his dish. He put his wet mouth on my hand, wanting me to pet him. So I was petting him and rubbing his ears and we were both happy.

Then I went to put my shoes on. He did NOT like that. He wanted me to keep petting him. Gave a little growl. I got a little nervous and realized that dogs can smell fear so I should stifle any fear I have and just be friendly with him. But I think it was too late because he started growling quite strongly and then barked. I left with shoes and purse in hand, didn't even put my shoes on! I have never been scared of dogs, but being alone in a big house with a strange dog who probably doesn't like a stranger being in his house made me more than nervous. I am definitely putting my shoes on and leaving when I let the dog in next time. Ha ha.

My Nicknames

Katrina
Katrina Mc Do Me
Kitty Kat
Kat
Kitty
Kitkat
Katmandu
TheKatCameBack
B!^@#
Dumb Bunny
Kate
Kitten
Bathroom (pronounced bathrim)
Bathrin
Freckle face
Munchkin
Angel (ha!)
Kashkila (sp?)
Katrinka
Christina/Christine (this is what I get called if people can't *quite* remember my name)

Filler Queen (as opposed to "Killer Queen" by Queen)

As some of you know, I am working in an office a few hours a week. I create scripts for sales people to use over the phone. So far, the scripts have been highly successful. One of the main reasons for this is that I don't have to be shady whatsoever, just completely straight up. I love it. I feel like this is what I was meant to do. At least for now. Ha ha. According to the owner, the only thing I had to work on was increase my filler words to lead the potential client to a close. I am not sure that these words are necessary but he says that it makes the conversation softer and more likely for the client to feel comfortable and not pressured. I am torn about this because I kind of see what he is saying, but I am definitely not used to speaking like this. It has been slightly effective, but I must admit I feel a little lame when I say it. I respect the owner a lot! and have written down his little sayings whenever I can little post-it notes and peices of paper. Here is the compilation:

So...
Have you given any thought to...
Just wondering about your thoughts on...
Not sure if you have considered...
I was just calling to follow up on your thoughts about...
And...?
You had asked for information?
What I can go ahead and do for you...
What I do is just call to check on your thoughts about...
Basically...
Really, we find this very valuable in helping you think about...
If you really think about it, it can lead to...
What it boils down to is...
What they are really saying is...
How do you feel about giving your thoughts on...
Something to consider, you may want to think about...
In case you didn't know, it's basically just boiling down to whatever it is that you think about and find valuable leading to...
It just all comes down to what you think about...
The overall effectiveness is apparent in the end result, which boils down to the nuts and bolts of the whole thing and your thoughts on it all.
Right. So. You?

New Favorite Song

Lose Control by Timberland and JoJo. Yes, little JoJo who sang "Too Little Too Late". I keep replaying this song. Over and over. Sometimes Mel and I go driving and play it. Over and Over. Here you go...

My favorite lyrics from this song is:

I have a bad day
I don't act right
Get up under your skin
I know it ain't right
How I ask you
To give up everything
Boy just stop what you're doin' and come and follow me around
Baby, thank you for the second chances
And everything you did to help advance this
You put up with my stuff
How can you be my best?
Boy you really got it goin' on

You're all mine
You're alright
I don't mind, no
When I stand
By your side, oh

Mow

I went up to Mount Washington this weekend for a ski trip with a bunch of peeps. It was great, but I didn't go out on the hill. I was sick so I stayed at the Lodge and chillaxed with some youth. We played this awesome game called Mow. Basically, one person is the leader and makes the rules. Playing the game was myself and a couple other leaders and 3 youth (or is it youths...? Whatever. There were 6 of us.) I briefly explained the game, and as the game went on, they seemed angry. But they couldn't voice their frustration or anger because no talking is one of the rules. Ha. However, as they started understanding the rules more, they wanted to play another hand, and another, and another. Lunch was served at 11:30am and one of the youth(s) was the leader. As we went to stand up to get lunch, he penalized us with a card. Eating lunch was not allowed! Well, you would think that, hey, this is just a game. Who cares about getting another card. But you would be wrong. These youth(s) were serious about their game and stayed. So I stayed. I didn't win another round because they? decided that since I was not as benevolent as them, they would penalize me any way they could. It became all out war. I had a fever and headache and was nauseous. But I didn't quit. I had to beat them. Shortly after lunch, they decided they wanted a break from the game. I didn't want to take a break but just didn't have the energy to convince them to stay. Until next time. I am going to be dreaming up some sweet rules.

Fight Like a Girl

What does fighting like a girl look like? Why do guys say that and mean it like an insult?

Maybe we are supposed to fight like girls. In the past, when I got into a fight with a girl, each girl fought differently. Some with their nails, some with fists, some with words. The way of fighting that I disliked the most, was the quietest one, very subtle. It said: You are excluded. I have always hated being excluded. I think that is what the enemy whispers to me: you don't belong. That is such an immature thing though. It seems like in high school, that is the place to conform. But does that feeling ever really leave us? If I were to fight against something, as a girl, I guess it would be to include people. But I don't like including everyone. I like having my tight little group. I like belonging to someone and someone belonging to me. Maybe that is selfish. I like not including everyone because then it seems "special" or something. Elite?

On the other hand, I feel this pull to include absolutely everyone and befriend everyone and not leave anyone out. I know that people can find this annoying (I have been told). I have been told many times that I know a lot of people. But it's just because I don't want to leave anyone out. If I were to fight like a girl, it would look like me dressed pretty and a bit skinnier and more successful than I am now and approaching women on a regular basis and loving on them. Sounds kinda scary. I bet guys would have a hard time doing that!

Woman in Chains

I love Tears for Fears. They are awesome. Going through my head all day. It's a world gone crazy that keeps a woman in chains.

I am reading a book right now called Mean Girls. By Hayley Dimarco.

Dude.

I am a mean girl.

I don't mean to be. This week has been interesting. Last Wednesday, I spoke at Crave. I was a bit nervous when I started, but it got better and my voice got smoother. I talked about baptism and the purpose of life and prayer and Jesus. All that good stuff. People told me I did well, but I didn't plan on speaking on anything that I had actually said. I had notes, and I didn't take them with me on purpose. But then my talk changed. I have received several emails from girls from Crave asking for prayer. I am amazed. And of course, praying for them. It's wonderful. But I noticed mean girls at a function last night. And I didn't like what they were doing. So I was indirectly mean to them. Who's the mean girl here? In the book, Hayley (we are now on a first name basis) points out that these people don't INTEND to be mean, but may just be inconsiderate or selfish. They don't set out to hurt others; they just don't even think about it. I definitely didn't set out to hurt others, but I withheld love from girls that needed it. I knew they needed it and I knew I had love to give, and I didn't give it. Maybe not sooooo mean, but this book has opened my eyes a bit. This seems funny to me because I didn't consider myself a "mean girl." Anyways, this is probably the start of a mean girls series of blogs on Alluring Breath. Brace yourself.

Dangerous Cake Walk

I am exhausted.

I made the cake. Dobosz torte. It was complicated and difficult and dangerous, but that sucker's done! Complicated was knowing how long to beat the egg whites. If you think its enough, guess what? It's not! Difficult was cutting out the circles. The box I have to hold it is exactly 9 inches and the cake pan is 9 inches. I cut a little bit off the circumference of each layer, making them even. I measured each layer exactly the same, laying the batter out the same way each time. People kept calling while I was in the middle of making this cake. Each layer can only cook for 7 minutes. I would be on the phone and scream, "Oh no! I forgot the cake again!" None of them burnt. The cake, not the people.

There was something that burnt though. Cheesecake. I NEVER want to see cheesecake again ever in my life. We don't really get along. Although I love love love the taste, cheesecake does NOT listen to me. In the end, I scrapped the recipe, started over and used my mother's recipe, which is not baked. I prefer the baked kind. But cheesecake and I broke up. No more. Kaput. Cheesecake, don't go away mad, just go away.

The icing for the dobosz torte is to die for. It's a cream with yolks and bittersweet chocolate and icing sugar. It's so smooth. I put a tiny bit of hazelnut in it and it is the layers and the outer icing. Then I put toasted almonds on the outside of the cake. This is quite a feat to make a perfect dobosz torte. If I had say what I could have done better, the only thing is the glass top. Sugar is so hard to work with! I burnt my knuckle when I dripped one drop on my knuckle. I immediately put my mouth on it and burnt my tongue. But my hand instantly went red and the whole hand throbbed. The skin came right away where I burnt myself. Dangerous stuff. Just like me. I am the girl who eats an apple without washing it and leaves tips off of highlighters.

Midnight Moscow

K so I admit, I have been neglecting my blog. I have been busy. Sleeping and cleaning and stuff. And watching movies. Right now I am watching Bride Wars. It's so good. Emma sends Liv butter from International Butter Club. Liv sits around eating butter. HA. Gross. But funny. Liv changes Emma's tanning color from caramel to orange. Emma changes Liv's hair dye to blue. She looks like a smurf. They make up in the end. I like movies with happy endings. I haven't seen Avatar but lots of people have told me to see it.

I also watched Fireproof. Amazing movie! One of my favorites. Everyone should see it. It's about a couple who goes through a hard time and then the husband learns how to love his wife. Everyone should watch it, not just couples.

Hmmm, what else...

I have been organizing this man's office. It's a lot of fun and completely frustrating at the same time. I am making a lot of headway but he wanted me to organize for his tax accountant. I had no idea what I was doing. I sat and stared at the pile for about 20 minutes. Then started organizing by month and created a labelled system for him. He was extremely happy with that. Whew! He now wants me to organize for the international component. So completely thrilled! It starts in 3 months. I have no idea what I am doing. Ha ha ha! By then, I will have more of an idea. This is what I am good at.

As you all know, I quit my job. It is nice to not have to go to a mall and work. Or be in a box and work. Or have a boss. Or have a rude boss. And I get to still organize. Which is what I did a lot at my job.

p.s. Liv's fiance is so much nicer than Emma's fiance. SPOILER ALERT ** Thank God Emma and Fletcher don't get married! Who has the name Fletcher? Seriously? Sounds like a jerk name anyways. I am done. Gonna go paint my nails.

Oh How He Loves Us

This is my favorite song lately. It's amazing. I heard it for the first time at Crave a few weeks ago and I play it over and over, Favorite lines are about a sloppy wet kiss and not having time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way he loves us. Here is the story behind the song:

The song came following the death of a dear friend who, during a church staff meeting, prayed out loud "If it would shake the youth of a nation, I will give my life today." John McMillan was awoken in the middle of that very night by a phone call. His friend, who had mentioned those words during his church's staff meeting earlier that day, was killed in a car crash. The song took a couple years to surface in the Christian mainstream, but has gone on to become one of the most played worship songs.

What's that you say? You want lyrics? Here you go:

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

-John Mark McMillan

What? You want to hear it? Well, okay, here you go. Hope you love it.

Warrior Princess Daughter

So, here I am, at my table, with my laptop. Our relationship is back on. I have him precariously perched on a pile of books so as to not overheat. Also the charger is tucked around to stay plugged in. All this just to blog! Woo hoo.

So, lots is new.

1. I quit my job last week. I was grateful for it while it lasted, but on to other better things. That will be a blog on its own.

2. I joined twitter. I found some of my mentors there. They don't know they are my mentors, but it's kind of like an afar thing. Like, how I stalk guys, but now it's mentors, and this time I don't care about details...lol! (I knew those stalking skills would come in handy one day). Christine Caine, Lisa Bevere, Jon Bevere, Max Lucado, Laura Silletta, Randy Hein, Chris Synesael, Darin Phillips, Caleb Delamont. Also, kids that I mentor are on there and I am blown away by their tweets. It's way more effective than facebook. You get to see moods and stuff on there.

3. I am starting a business. More on that later.

4. I am listening to U2 right now. I love Bono. He was pretty nerdy when he was younger. He has grown into his face. And his hair. With or without you is on right now.

5. And you give yourself away, And you give yourself away, And you give and you give and you give yourself away. My hands are tied, my body's bruised, she's got me with nothing to win and nothing left to lose. Oh Bono, if you like that kind of thing, it's gonna be ok buddy. Let's talk. Wanna come over?

6. Anyways, back to blogging. I found my purpose in life. I am amazed. God is good. He is God, I am not. Duh, obviously. So there was this girl named Laura and she told me her story. the verse she taught me about was my life verse! Coincidence? I think not. It's from Esther. She was made queen and helped her people overcome. She was made for more than mere beauty. She was made to win battles. That is me. Warrior Princess Daughter. I am here to win the battle for hearts for girls. (I like boys.)

7. I am here to stay. Maybe Bono will come and visit me.

WoW

K so I once dated this guy that was addicted to World of Warcraft. I didn't really care because I was busy in my own way. But it got annoying that our dates consisted of us ordering pizza and getting a movie and watching it while he played. Or how he was proud of the fact that he played 30 hours in a row, taking breaks only to use the bathroom or get food or drink. Boys are gross. I found out that WoW is the #1 reason for divorce as of 2008. It used to be...(drum roll please)...golf. A friend of mine was telling me how her and her husband are having marital problems and she said it started when he started playing WoW. Says he is addicted. But she has found support online and is trying to cope. Interesting links:

WoW Addiction Breaking
WoW Widows
Gaming sucks

Is there a happy medium?