Sunday, February 27, 2011

Only when I'm dancing can I feel this free

At night I lock the door so no one else can see.
I'm tired of dancing here all by myself
Tonight I wanna dance with someone else.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaack

Haven't blogged in a while. So much has happened. About 2 weeks ago, my baby brother called me.

His girlfriend is pregnant. I can't help but be happy about a new baby. I love and like my brother a lot. He is super sweet, caring, considerate, passionate and intelligent. And a really hard worker, very determined. Everyone who knows him just loves him. He is no longer with the baby mama, and they don't want to be together. He had promised me he wouldn't do like the others in our family and have a baby out of wedlock. So when he called me, I could hear by his shaky voice and slow speech that he was very nervous to tell me. I told him I loved him and was happy for him and know he is going to make a great dad. And he was relieved. He said he knew he screwed up, had sinned and felt extrememly guilty. He is very committed to being a daddy. She is 4.5 months pregnant. My reply? "Well, you don't just get them pregnant, you get them 4 and a half MONTHS pregnant!" I reassured him that I love him and won't stop loving him. He was so relieved, he got choked up and couldn't say anything for a few minutes. I didn't understand why. I said, "Did you really think I would stop loving you because you broke your promise?" He explained to me that others in the family did not have the same reaction and most were angry and did not want to talk to him. I feel like that is just because they don't want him to make the same mistakes they did.

I am grateful for the graciousness that was extended to me when I fell. Now I can give that graciousness to others. Would I have been able to if I hadn't been through what I have been through? Probably. But I wouldn't have been so vocal to my brother about how I love him. The best part? He said he could feel a Jesus kind of love coming from me. Completely humbling. I felt like one teeny tiny little speck in the universe being used by God right at that moment. I am so insignificant but so significant all at the same time. I was just the vessel. I am so grateful to be able to be in his life to tell him I love him. His love language? Verbal affirmation. My spiritual gift? Encouragement. Cause he is not getting it anywhere else. Maybe my mom. But she is baby crazy. Ha ha. Apparently I need more grace towards my mom. One day at a time, Ok? Today is not her day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. The chase for a pure heart is on. Has been for a while. Ah, mommmy issues...that's a whole other blog!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

It's a World Gone Crazy That Keeps a Woman in Chains

I have had people tell me I am defiant. My mother told me when I was younger that someone is going to have a hard time breaking my spirit. I didn't know what she really meant when she said that but she got this sound in her voice where her voice got thicker and she kinda smiled - sounded like pride. And I come to the crux (I love that word) of my internal conflict. If a guy tells me to do something and implies or tells me that it's something I should do or have to do, I immediately don't want to. Boss' don't count, I have no problem taking direction from a manager or whatever. I am talking about random guys in our lives that say that this is the way they think things should be. And I KNOW I am not alone in this. It's called control. The opposite? Surrender. My mother told me to never surrender (if she only knew how much I try to surrender, I wonder if she would have said that back then?)

I wish guys/people would just present the choice/politely ask and have faith that we will choose or do the right thing.

So I had this boyfriend (some of you will know him and cringe) and he didn't have time to do laundry. I agreed to do it, thinking that this is really cool and an act of love, but got so busy on the first day of the agreement and didn't get around to it. When he saw that I didn't do it, I explained how I got busy, but he came down on me, told me it felt like I didn't care about him. Guess what? It made me not want to do his laundry. EVER. I put reds in with his whites. That makes pink. Oooops.

I don't want to be like that. I think I am not going to talk to any males. EVER. I know, good luck with that hey? Cause they seem to be everywhere.

You are probably wondering what brought this on. Well, I will tell you. I was in a coffee shop today, having a tea. More like waiting for the bag to steep (no pun intended. btw I like it medium strength) and heard this man telling his woman or girlfriend that he would like it if she made the bed in the morning. She was like, look honey, I will make the bed, but sometimes I am just in a rush and can't do it. He said, it's important, just do it. For me. She just couldn't give in. I identified with her. In my head I was like, make your own bed buddy! Better yet, sleep on the couch! But deep down, I was disappointed in her and me. I was thinking, come on lady! It's just a bed. Really? You can't pull the covers down? It looks so much better made. But alas, defiancy reared it's ugly head.

Also, at this house I am cleaning, the husband leaves little notes for the wife, reminding her of things to do with their daughter. She writes back on the note, "Hi babe, I saw this, but you really don't need to remind me." Then HE writes back, "yeah well, if I didn't remind you, it wouldn't get done!" When I saw that, I wanted her to take this note, crumple it up and mix it with his laundry so his whites would go red. K that doesn't even make sense, but you know what I mean. She could have not responded, just taken the note down and considered it loving right? Nah.

So....back to my previous conclusion: no talking to boys for me. (Kidding, kidding...kinda).

Guess it's time to surrender huh?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Puppy Power!

I cleaned a house today and there was so much dog hair. There was this carpet runner nailed to the beautiful oak wooden steps that wound around the wall. The owner wanted the wood cleaned and the carpet vacuumed. She was a little embarrassed about the hair but she really didn't need to be. That is why I was there. The dog is this beautiful grey and white husky with icy blue eyes, a really happy dog, male. The owner asked me to bring him in when I was done so I took the owner with me and met the dog and pet him and played a little with him. When I was done, I went to let the dog in. He was super happy to see me and walked with me through the house to the front door, stopping for a lap of water from his dish. He put his wet mouth on my hand, wanting me to pet him. So I was petting him and rubbing his ears and we were both happy.

Then I went to put my shoes on. He did NOT like that. He wanted me to keep petting him. Gave a little growl. I got a little nervous and realized that dogs can smell fear so I should stifle any fear I have and just be friendly with him. But I think it was too late because he started growling quite strongly and then barked. I left with shoes and purse in hand, didn't even put my shoes on! I have never been scared of dogs, but being alone in a big house with a strange dog who probably doesn't like a stranger being in his house made me more than nervous. I am definitely putting my shoes on and leaving when I let the dog in next time. Ha ha.

Friday, February 12, 2010

My Nicknames

Katrina Mc Do Me
Kitty Kat
Dumb Bunny
Bathroom (pronounced bathrim)
Freckle face
Angel (ha!)
Kashkila (sp?)
Christina/Christine (this is what I get called if people can't *quite* remember my name)

Filler Queen (as opposed to "Killer Queen" by Queen)

As some of you know, I am working in an office a few hours a week. I create scripts for sales people to use over the phone. So far, the scripts have been highly successful. One of the main reasons for this is that I don't have to be shady whatsoever, just completely straight up. I love it. I feel like this is what I was meant to do. At least for now. Ha ha. According to the owner, the only thing I had to work on was increase my filler words to lead the potential client to a close. I am not sure that these words are necessary but he says that it makes the conversation softer and more likely for the client to feel comfortable and not pressured. I am torn about this because I kind of see what he is saying, but I am definitely not used to speaking like this. It has been slightly effective, but I must admit I feel a little lame when I say it. I respect the owner a lot! and have written down his little sayings whenever I can little post-it notes and peices of paper. Here is the compilation:

Have you given any thought to...
Just wondering about your thoughts on...
Not sure if you have considered...
I was just calling to follow up on your thoughts about...
You had asked for information?
What I can go ahead and do for you...
What I do is just call to check on your thoughts about...
Really, we find this very valuable in helping you think about...
If you really think about it, it can lead to...
What it boils down to is...
What they are really saying is...
How do you feel about giving your thoughts on...
Something to consider, you may want to think about...
In case you didn't know, it's basically just boiling down to whatever it is that you think about and find valuable leading to...
It just all comes down to what you think about...
The overall effectiveness is apparent in the end result, which boils down to the nuts and bolts of the whole thing and your thoughts on it all.
Right. So. You?

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

New Favorite Song

Lose Control by Timberland and JoJo. Yes, little JoJo who sang "Too Little Too Late". I keep replaying this song. Over and over. Sometimes Mel and I go driving and play it. Over and Over. Here you go...

My favorite lyrics from this song is:

I have a bad day
I don't act right
Get up under your skin
I know it ain't right
How I ask you
To give up everything
Boy just stop what you're doin' and come and follow me around
Baby, thank you for the second chances
And everything you did to help advance this
You put up with my stuff
How can you be my best?
Boy you really got it goin' on

You're all mine
You're alright
I don't mind, no
When I stand
By your side, oh