I have had people tell me I am defiant. My mother told me when I was younger that someone is going to have a hard time breaking my spirit. I didn't know what she really meant when she said that but she got this sound in her voice where her voice got thicker and she kinda smiled - sounded like pride. And I come to the crux (I love that word) of my internal conflict. If a guy tells me to do something and implies or tells me that it's something I should do or have to do, I immediately don't want to. Boss' don't count, I have no problem taking direction from a manager or whatever. I am talking about random guys in our lives that say that this is the way they think things should be. And I KNOW I am not alone in this. It's called control. The opposite? Surrender. My mother told me to never surrender (if she only knew how much I try to surrender, I wonder if she would have said that back then?)
I wish guys/people would just present the choice/politely ask and have faith that we will choose or do the right thing.
So I had this boyfriend (some of you will know him and cringe) and he didn't have time to do laundry. I agreed to do it, thinking that this is really cool and an act of love, but got so busy on the first day of the agreement and didn't get around to it. When he saw that I didn't do it, I explained how I got busy, but he came down on me, told me it felt like I didn't care about him. Guess what? It made me not want to do his laundry. EVER. I put reds in with his whites. That makes pink. Oooops.
I don't want to be like that. I think I am not going to talk to any males. EVER. I know, good luck with that hey? Cause they seem to be everywhere.
You are probably wondering what brought this on. Well, I will tell you. I was in a coffee shop today, having a tea. More like waiting for the bag to steep (no pun intended. btw I like it medium strength) and heard this man telling his woman or girlfriend that he would like it if she made the bed in the morning. She was like, look honey, I will make the bed, but sometimes I am just in a rush and can't do it. He said, it's important, just do it. For me. She just couldn't give in. I identified with her. In my head I was like, make your own bed buddy! Better yet, sleep on the couch! But deep down, I was disappointed in her and me. I was thinking, come on lady! It's just a bed. Really? You can't pull the covers down? It looks so much better made. But alas, defiancy reared it's ugly head.
Also, at this house I am cleaning, the husband leaves little notes for the wife, reminding her of things to do with their daughter. She writes back on the note, "Hi babe, I saw this, but you really don't need to remind me." Then HE writes back, "yeah well, if I didn't remind you, it wouldn't get done!" When I saw that, I wanted her to take this note, crumple it up and mix it with his laundry so his whites would go red. K that doesn't even make sense, but you know what I mean. She could have not responded, just taken the note down and considered it loving right? Nah.
So....back to my previous conclusion: no talking to boys for me. (Kidding, kidding...kinda).
Guess it's time to surrender huh?