Saturday, November 21, 2009

wow, it's been a long time. my laptop is broken. i dropped it on it's charging port. very sad about that. it is going to take $500 to fix it. i am using another computer right now. what a week! what a month!

i signed up to go to mexico with my church during spring break 2010 to build houses. i am totally stoked. i have never been on a mission. i want to meet little mexican children and paint their nails. the first significant emotions i have had about mexico are curious. when pastor steve first mentioned it, i had a weird curiosity, drawn to the trip. that was 2 years ago when i was new to victoria. the second significant time was a negative emotion. pastor chris said that there was a gentleman in mexico that they wanted to send to university so he could help his family. i felt guilty for wondering why we should help another person in a different country when so many people in this country have student debt, including me. i was actually angry. can you believe it? then i realized i wasn't angry at this mexican guy or at my church or pastor chris. i was angry at my parents, or at my situation. it didn't seem fair. then, after a while, i realized that God will outdo us in generosity. helping one person at a time like that? that's powerful. when a church comes together and helps out a family like that, they are taking them out of some sort of financial bondage. it's not karma or anything to look forward to for the people that give. it's just GIVING. makes the heart softer, more pliable. takes the shell off. the next time that pastor chris spoke about sending him to university, i gave and almost physically felt the shell breaking off a bit. so, now it's time to go myself.

there have been miracles that have happened since i have decided to go. for one, the money just seemed to appear! it has been easy to find the money. weird. doesn't usually happen that way for me. the other miracle is that i finally get my identity. i didn't have my birth certificate, passport, BCID expired. i sent off for my birth certificate and had to use my mother's. my mother learned to use her scanner and emailed it to me. i got to see her full mother's name, her full father's name and their birth places. it was a gift and now i am motivated to get everyone's birth certificate in a book for my mother. i went by my step father's last name for so long with no proper ID to match. it is so great to get my life in order. another miracle is one of my favorite girls from crave is going! we aren't supposed to have favorites, but i honestly can't help it.

sometimes when you are doing something in your life that you are supposed to do, there are negative forces that will try to stop you. i have that in my life. i am praying against it always, but it's tough. my boss is being a real jerk! we have had go arounds and now he is trying to infringe on my days off, trying to keep me from going to mexico meetings. he doesn't know that i am going to a mexico meeting, but he seems to always demand me to be present at work when i have a meeting. he texted me tonight that i am working tomorrow and make sure i am there. i don't think he is the devil or anything like that. he is actually very intelligent and does what he wants. but he has many downfalls.

i had a job interview recently and hope i get the job. it's a job i truly truly want. i was very impressed with them and everyone i spoke to and the environment. i find out monday or tuesday. i feel like walking off my job like, 5 times a week. oh wait, i work 5 days a week. what a coincidence! actually it's more like 6 days a week. that is my rant. i hope to get my laptop fixed sometime soon. gotta go for now. more later.

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