Saturday, April 4, 2009

Completely Normal Childhood Memories

I was married once before. To the A&W Root Bear.

Background note: I used to say how I love things, such as "I love this book" or "I love my Strawberry Shortcake house." My brother would respond with, "So, why don't you marry it?" And I would then say, "Maybe I will."

One day, there was a sale on at The Dub, where we would go as a family on a regular basis. The bear as a hand puppet was being sold for 99 cents with the purchase of a teenburger. I had to have him. As soon as I said I loved the puppet, my brother and I went through our routine. (I love this bear. Maybe you should marry him. Maybe I will.) However, I had no idea that my family would actually plan a wedding between the bear and I. They invited neighbors, friends, family, church family, aquaintances, everyone! I think there was even a cake, music and a celebration. Someone (my sister I think) came and told me to put on a very nice dress, so I did. When I came out of my room with my dress on, there was an aisle set up and my brother was the puppet and the priest all in one and conducted the ceremony. I remember thinking how crazy all these people were, but they kept telling me to marry the puppet, so I just went along with it. I was 5. I don't think we were ever divorced, which is good because I don't want the kids to come from a "broken" home, just a crazy one.

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